Second Thoughts

I was always certain that Dennis and I would end up abroad. Even when we found out we were pregnant, our decision was still firm—the only thing that would have stopped us was if the school withdrew their offer. Maybe I was completely naïve about the whole pregnancy thing. So many people expressed concerns about the quality of medical care, the baby’s citizenship, how far away we would be from our families, etc. It’s not that we ignored all of these things; it was just that in our heart of hearts, we were so ready to start something new. It just so happened that all of the new things were happening all at once.

Mom and Dad mentioned that they wanted to visit and help with the baby for the first month. I expressed our appreciation but suggested that maybe it would be better for them to come when they went home to the Philippines since the tickets are so expensive.

“Ay sa March pa ‘yon,” Mom said.

“Yes, and the baby will only be 3½ months old…” I reasoned. Mom said Ate Malou would look into tickets, and Ate Marra insisted I’ll need the help. Assuming that the baby arrived around the due date in 16 December 2011, we’d be on Christmas break. I just thought that Dennis and I would be able to handle things on our own. People did everyday—why couldn’t we? And if we needed help, we’d be able to afford a nanny.

As for medical care, there’s bound to be some good facilities in a city of 9.5 million people, not to mention Jakarta is the capital of Indonesia, right? Plus, my mom had all of four of us in the Philippines, and we turned out fine.

All of this calm and reason changed the day we found out we were having twins. Instead of insisting my parents didn’t have to come, I was asking, “Who’s going to come? Can we get a relative from the Philippines to come?”

My confidence in finding an appropriate medical facility faltered and was the main reason for my second thoughts. I finally started reading the book we were given at our first appointment, What to Expect When You’re Expecting. There was a section on multiple births filled with risks and complications for twin pregnancies—that twins are monitored more closely and often come early. Would our twins receive the same attention abroad? What’s the availability and cost of facilities specializing in premature births? Perhaps I should have been asking these same questions when we were expecting a singleton, but to me, it seemed that we’d be able to cope. Having a baby is one thing—having twins is another.

Still, Dennis was right, it was too late. Our tickets were issued, and our visa application was in progress. Plus, Dennis had already requested a one-year leave of absence, and I was already wrapping things up at work. Everything was already in motion, but I have to admit that I wasn’t completely certain or prepared for once anymore.